F My Life

Bob

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Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

http://www.fmylife.com/

Bartyow

van TwyLight gejat

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 10:31

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Nu in het nederlands

Darkmystery

Indeed.

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Bartyow schreef:

Nu in het nederlands

Jij moet wel autistisch, óf 8 jaar oud zijn.

On: Woot leesvoer voor op school. Lekker leedvermaak. =D

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

[Laatst bewerkt door Darkmystery op woensdag 25 februari 2009, om 10:40]

Bob

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 10:41

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Bartyow schreef:

Nu in het nederlands

[Laatst bewerkt door Bob op woensdag 25 februari 2009, om 10:43]

Bartyow

van TwyLight gejat

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Darkmystery schreef:

[...]

Jij moet wel autistisch, óf 8 jaar oud zijn.

On: Woot leesvoer voor op school. Lekker leedvermaak. =D

[...]

k'gebruik wel google translate

Bob

771 posts

Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 10:42

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...... LOL

Artofdead

Master Fish

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 12:25

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Ik vind het echt geniaal Echt lachen zulke dingen...
Is dit allemaal verzonnen, of is het True Story shizzle?

Hardstyle/Metal/Rap/Rock/Dubstep

Saven

admin

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Bartyow schreef:

[...]
k'gebruik wel google translate

and the epische fucking faal award goes to bartyow

ontopic lol @ de 1e en de laatste

Frenk

Non-Octo

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1 woord: PWNED!

En Bartyow is echt wel heel kansloos

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

!!!"!~"!"!"~| !!!``11`

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

AAHAHAHHAaA

[Laatst bewerkt door Frenk op woensdag 25 februari 2009, om 13:48]

Teries

Wooha!

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 13:50

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Bartyow schreef:

Nu in het nederlands

OMG zielig ventje, waag het dan niet eens om op deze site lid te zijn

iisys is baas

achjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Bart

Hoeren :'(

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Teries schreef:

[...]

OMG zielig ventje, waag het dan niet eens om op deze site lid te zijn

Maak 25 posts en je mag coole uitspraken doen

Wesley

Frankiej

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Artofdead schreef:

Is dit allemaal verzonnen, of is het True Story shizzle?

Ingezonden door gebruikers

..

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Deze is ook wel hard

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

[Laatst bewerkt door Wesley op woensdag 25 februari 2009, om 16:35]

Jaapje

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Die laaaaatste is echt kankerhard als je dat ontdekt

Dharion

Eat fur, bonehead!

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 17:28

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Wuahaha owned

Bjorg

onbegrijplijk lekker

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Today, I was presenting a powerpoint. As I plugged in the cord that connected my computer to the projector, I had forgotten what my boyfriend had set my desktop picture to the night before. I opened my laptop and projected on the wall was me nude. I go to Catholic school. FML

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

Dharion

Eat fur, bonehead!

1923 posts

Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 19:27

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Peuwn

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 20:29

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Lol, die laatste

KoiSashuu

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 20:57

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Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she proceeded to talk about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

[Laatst bewerkt door KoiSashuu op woensdag 25 februari 2009, om 20:58]

Saven

admin

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Geplaatst op: 25 Feb 2009, 21:02

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Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

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Saven is back bitches

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